The Story of

     One night I cried out to God and asked him to help me!  I asked God to please come and rescue me!  I was tired of crying myself to sleep every night (literally).  I asked God to please show me my purpose in life. I asked God to help me understand the purpose that he had for my life because I knew it had to be better than where I was. One night I had a dream that I was on a stage speaking  and my audience was all women. I asked God what that meant for me.  I questioned God saying that I know that this doesn’t mean that I’m supposed to be in ministry because I know that's not for me. I felt that things that I’ve gone through and the things that I know that I’ve, there is no way that I’m supposed to be in ministry.  No way that I’m supposed to be speaking to anyone.   I wrestled with it and wrestled with it.  I said you know what if that is for me it will definitely be revealed but at this time I feel that that's not for me. 
    So I just kept going on with my life.  During this time I’m still going through a tremendous amount of heartache, depression, anxiety, and drama that you wouldn’t believe.  I’m still in a place of giving up but accepting that God was calling me into ministry was just unreal to me. So again I cried out to God asking Him to show me my purpose in life.  Again God showed me on a stage with an audience of just women.  I said now God you are showing me the same thing as before.  Again I still don’t believe that ministry is for me.  So what I did was I founded an all-girls mentoring organization.  The purpose of this organization was to assist girls in learning life and social skills. I felt maybe those in the audience were girls and I just thought they were women. I did this for about maybe a year.  Still, this wasn’t feeling right and that wasn’t what God had shown me. I felt that I could relate to preteens and teens girls so I did this organization thinking that was it. Crazy things: I was still having the same dream of being on a stage and speaking to women. So here I go again crying out to God.  My thought is that maybe God will show me something different. Again I have the same dream with the same message. I’m like okay God!  So during the time that I’m crying out to God about my purpose in my life.  I’m trying to figure out how to get out of my marriage.  I asked God what I needed to do.  God told me to give it to him!  God told me to trust him!  I was scared out of my mind.  I was afraid to do this alone! I was afraid to be alone! I questioned God on how I’m supposed to raise three kids by myself on a part-time income. God just kept saying to me trust me!  If you take one step, I'll take two!  I was terrified!  I kept praying to God and asking him to help me!  God kept saying to me I’ve told you what to do!  Trust me and step out on faith!  It took me months before I  built up enough courage to step out on faith.  The day that I stepped out on faith I felt so overwhelmed.  I felt like I was turning in circles. I felt so defeated! I kept saying God help me! How am I going to do this! God kept saying trust me! The next morning I felt like a building was lifted off of me.  I felt so relieved and refreshed but the battle wasn’t over, it was just beginning but I knew I had to trust God! 
     Now I’m asking God what to do now! I’ve stepped out on faith and I’m trusting God!  I’m being hit at every angle with trial after trial and it seems that I'm going further and further down. Things are being said about me defaming my character. I have people filing false accusations about me. I was being investigated for fraud. My home and freedom were in jeopardy. At this time I’m at a crossroads to where I either have to surrender it all to God or I’m going to make an emotional decision that I will regret! I had to think about the well being of my babies! I go to God and ask God what to do. I feel that things are just pushing me to a point of no return.  I cry out to God and say God I know in your word that it reads weapons will form against me but that won’t prosper. God I also know that your words read vengeance is mine but God I want to say something. God, I can’t just keep letting people walk over me and treat me like trash! I can’t stand this, I have to defend myself! God says give it to me! God says you have to keep your mouth off it and allow me to handle it! I say God that’s hard it’s not fair! God says give it to me! Remember my word fear not for I am with you! Give it to me! I just broke down crying out to God! I say God I surrender it all to you!  I say I ask that you renew me and transform me.  I said God I am yours.  I say God I’m available to you! God, please restore my faith! I need you, God. I said God it gives my life back to you! I dedicate my life back to you! God, I know I strayed but God I’m yours! Help me, God! 
     God said to me that it's now your time to be obedient and walk into ministry.  I said ok God what does that mean? Growing up when anyone spoke of ministry you automatically thought about preaching. God said I’m calling you into ministry to teach. God said there are several levels to ministry. There are like missionaries that teach and lead to God (which is where I feel God is calling me.) There are evangelists where you are like the prophet. Then there are apostles and bishops where they can do all things. Pastors are overseers where they run the church. I said God you do know that I have no actual background in teaching.  God said to me I qualify who I call.  Trust me!  I say ok God so what will this ministry look like.  

     God said you have a testimony of overcoming.  You are going to assist in healing many women around the world with your story. I said I’m not ready to tell my story.  My story isn’t something that I’m proud of! It's embarrassing. I betrayed you! I was disobedient! I said God I strayed away from you and I doubted your word. God said all you have to do is take responsibility and repent. I repented and asked God for forgiveness. God said you now have to first accept the accountability that you have as to why you were in that situation in the first place. God said remember you prayed and asked me if this was the man for you and I showed you that he wasn’t.  God said you chose to marry this man despite me showing you that this wasn’t the man for you that I had for you.  God said this is what happens when you aren’t obedient to me. God said you allowed pride to hinder your obedience.  Now that you have surrendered it all to me and repented for your disobedience and other things now I can return the favor and anointing back on your life.  

     Now you have the calling to minister (teach) to my people on how to overcome through the will of God. I said God why me?  God said why not you?  I said God what if people won’t believe me or take me seriously.  God said you aren’t on this journey alone.  You are walking in the steps that I have ordered for your life.  Continue to trust me and have faith!  I will be with you always!